Guides

A gentle guide

Writing a eulogy when you can't find the words

Feeling empty when you try to write is part of grief, not a sign you can't do this.

You open a blank page and nothing comes. Or everything comes at once and none of it fits. This is very common in the first days after a loss. The way through is to make the task smaller.

Step 1: Write one sentence, not a speech

Finish this sentence, in plain words: "The thing I'll miss most is…" Then write a second one: "The thing everyone should know about them is…" Two honest sentences are already the heart of a eulogy.

Step 2: Talk instead of write

Record yourself on your phone telling a friend about them for five minutes. Then type out the best parts. Spoken words often sound more natural than written ones, which is exactly what a eulogy needs.

Step 3: Borrow a structure

You don't have to invent a shape. This one works for almost anyone:

1. Who you are and who they were to you
2. Two or three words that describe them
3. One story
4. What they leave behind
5. A goodbye

Step 4: Fill in the blanks

That template alone makes a gentle one-minute tribute. Add a second story if you can, and you have three minutes.

Step 5: Let it be short

Nobody measures a eulogy by its length. A short, true tribute is better than a long one you don't believe in. If you can only manage a minute, that minute is enough.

A eulogy doesn't have to be perfect.
It has to be true.

When to ask for help

If the service is days away and the page is still blank, it is perfectly reasonable to ask someone else to help you write it. You give the memories; they help with the words.